4th of July

This Independence Day was much different than what I am used to. Every year we go to someone's BBQ, spend time with family, enjoy a day off from work, and go down town to see the fireworks. Today I didnt do much. Just slept a lot and spent time with Duwayne, his sister and his neice. It was pretty boring...I didnt even want to log onto Facebook just to avoid seeing everyones pictures and statuses about how much fun they were having today. My fun consisted of watching fireworks on TV in my hospital bed, only wishing to be outside.

What I did realize today - this time next year we will be taking our little one to cookouts (or having our own), taking him swimming, and setting up camp down town for his very first fireworks show! Duwayne even brought up an idea of us taking a trip somewhere for the holiday. So instead of being sad today, I just day dreamed and talked about the future. I thought about the upcoming holidays and how our baby boy will be here with us to celebrate. I am just so ready to be a mommy!! Happy 4th of July baby DC!

Third Trimester: 28 Weeks

I have been on strict bed rest for 8 weeks now and after all I've been through, I cannot believe I've hit yet another milestone...my 3rd and final trimester!!! I am so excited every week that I make it without going into labor, my baby boy has a better chance at life! It seems like the weekly progesterone shots, bed rest, and most of all PRAYER are really working...I've never been this pregnant before.

I am still hoping to have a vaginal delivery...but right now, he is still breech (feet down). I know there is still time for him to flip over but the question of a c-section keeps coming up from the doctors. I finally agreed to sign the consent for them to do an emergency section if my baby's heart rate starts to drop or if he is still breech when I start to labor. Otherwise, I want to do this the natural way, if I can help it, with no intervention.

This past week: I've caught a terrible head cold, my ears are clogged, a doctor wrote a prescription to have them drained, and to top things off I have a terrible breakout all over my face and neck. Oh the fun of being pregnant! Nonetheless, Thank you Jesus for another week!!

I Had a Breakdown Today

I cried for like an hour straight. Duwayne rubbed my back and soothed me through it. He kept telling me how strong I am and how proud of me he is. I told him I am not strong because I cant do this much longer. I beat myself up every day. I just really needed to let it out. I've been holding back for weeks. I've been in the hospital since May 17th and I've cried several times since then. But today when I had my cervical legnth check and it was worse than it's been, and they explained that I still can't go home, I just lost it!!!!

I know I'm doing what's best for my baby boy. But I'm scared, confused, angry, tired, and just overall sick of being in the hospital. And realistically I have a very long time to go (IF I make it full term). The days are passing by so slow and I've missed and will miss my entire summer. :-(  I came to the realization that I will never have a baby shower to celebrate my baby, I will never get to take maternity pictures to capture the memories of my pregnancy, and I will never have any positive pregnancy memories because all I will think about is these four walls I had to stare at every day and the nightmares I had while I was here. I know this is only temporary and I thank God every day that I've made it this far...(27 weeks & 3 days). It's just affecting me the more I dwell on my situation.

My Baby's Heart Beat!

I have to be placed under a monitor 3 times a day for one hour each, to monitor my baby's heart rate to make sure it is not dropping or rising. His heart beat is nice and strong...ranging between 140s-150s which is good for his gestational age. You will probably hear lots of movement...he is so busy in there!!

Advice To Mommies on Hospital Bed Rest: Get to know your Nurses!

While in the hospital long term, nurses will become your family. These are the people who look after you day and night. Don't be afraid to ask them questions and ask them to do things for you. They are there to make you feel at home as much as possible. Some of them will get on your nerves...like really, do you need my temperature & blood pressure every 2 hours?? Do you really need to know how often I have a bowel movement? Didnt the last nurse already tell you that I'm not having contractions? The list goes on....but at the end of the day, I am thankful for them! Let them get to know you! It will make your stay much easier.

Shout-out to some of my favorite nurses: Bizz, Yanick, Pauline, Betsy, Jamie, Thea, and Sandi! God blessed these ladies with a wonderful gift. They have given me hugs, cried with me, held my hand, even fought for me and believed in me when the doctors showed doubt. These ladies have a true gift. You must have compassion and a true love for your career and your patients in order to be a successful nurse. I've thought hard about a career change, and being here at IU has made my decision easier. It takes a lot of heart to be an awesome nurse.

Ultrasound Today: Good News!!

Today I had an ultrasound to check the baby's growth. Let me tell you, he would not cooperate LOL. I've never had a more painful ultrasound than todays because the tech had to press on my abdomen very hard in order to get good measurements. He doesnt like people looking at him or getting his heartbeat I guess haha! She finally got the measurements and he is 1lb and 10oz and measuring a few days ahead at 25 weeks!! The doctors said there was so much amniotic fluid around the baby & it looked really good. I lost so much fluid at 21 weeks, we were afraid for baby's lung development. Dr. G even says he doesnt think I'm ruptured anymore!! The other good news was that my cervix looks closed...they did a vaginal ultrasound to check (and trust me I was balling like a baby because I was told that nothing should be in the vagina. Plus cervical checks are just too painful). But I trusted the doctors and they reassured me that everything was okay. All I could say at the end of my visit was "Thank you Jesus!". My tears turned from sadness & fright to tears of JOY!! Today was an awesome day. Duwayne & I came back to my room and both had a peice of cake to celebrate. Yay baby "Dash" keep up the good work!!

The Importance of Support

The first few days in the hospital were difficult because I was depressed. I cried at least 5 times a day, every day the first few weeks. Mainly because of fear & a sense of lonliness. I am normally a healthy, working, and active 25 year old who is always on the go. I've never had health issues nor have I been hospitalized. So this was all new to me. I miss going on dates with Duwayne, I miss the summer BBQs, I miss going shopping, going to the hair & nail salon, hanging out with my girlfriends, going to church, and even WORK! LOL....the list goes on. At one point I begged to go home, but I figured that this was the best place for me with all that has been going on.

The main thing that's gotten me this far is support from my friends and family. When dealing with something like this, support is extremely important. Hospital visits, texts, phone calls, even dropping by to bring me my favorite snack...are all small things that get me through the days. It lets me know who loves me and who is thinking about me. It lets me know that there is life outside of this hospital bed.

Thanks to my number one supporter, my Duwayne...who sleeps on this pull-out bed right next to me every night! Poor thing...I know he misses sleeping in a real bed. But he told me "You are my world, I'm not leaving your side...ever." That is true love! We are a true team...he has made many sacrifices just like I did. He is so positive and keeps me positive. This journey has definitely brought us closer than ever before. Now I know we can get through anything.

My mom is such a trooper. She has sacrificed a lot too. She's missed so much work, even missed a class which she never does...and put all kinds of important things on hold for me. Even slept in this uncomfy bed and chair in my room a few times. I've had to remind her that she has a life outside of worrying about me. But that was like talking to a brick wall. And I love her for that!